Alright, so everyone knows who these players are. Every person that’s every passionately followed a team knows this player very well. Its the guy that every single time he’s on the rink, you involuntarily say “OH SHIT, he’s out there again?” We’re 4 games into the hockey season, and I’ve already realized that the Kings have 3 separate Oh Shit players. Three. You can dodge one or two of these guys, but 3 is too many for any team to consider themselves legitimate contenders. Here are this years earlier winners:
1. Rob Blake. He’s actually been on the list for the last 4 or 5 years that he’s been a King. I have no idea how many times Blake has pinched into the play for no apparent reason and gives up a 2-on-1 the other way. He joins the play and immediately I’m standing, hands on head, screaming at the TV: “Oh Shit!”
Worse yet, I’m not sure he’s aware that its his responsibility to move opponents that are camped out in front of the Kings net. Because of this man alone, I’m convinced that the majority of the sports media has ZERO clue with hockey. In fact, I doubt they have even watched a game in its entirety. If they had, they’d know that Rob Blake is probably responsible for half of the goals the Kings give up in a given year. His plus/minus rating has to be Minus 9823740928734. At least. Maybe more. Perhaps its time to put him with a defensive minded partner…. maybe defensive minded forwards. Anything. This isn’t working– again.
2. Jaroslav Modry. Why did the Kings resign him? I think the day that Dean Lombardi resigned him, about 3000 fans seriously contemplated crossing behind the Orange Curtain and thought about becoming Duck fans. Under my breath, every time he steps on the rink for a regular shift, I mutter “Oh Shit” and prey to get through the shift with minimal damage. Everything for Rob Blake is true for Modry, except that whole All-Star thing. Jaroslav Modry for Mattias Norstrom (our Captain, our heart, our soul)…. wonderful personnel move! (Side note: Who took over the Captain’s C from the departed Norstrom? That’s right, #4 in your program, but #1 in your heart: Rob Blake).
3. Jason Labarbara. Now this is the most problematic. When your goaltender is an Oh Shit player, there will be issues. His name is LaBeachball; that can’t be a good thing! (from what I understand, he may not be able to stop a beach ball). I find myself cheering when he gives up 4 goals in the 1st period, because then there’s hope that he’ll be pulled in between periods. Best move ever, signing him to a one-way contract. It eliminated any possibility of him coming up from the “A” last year. Can we just send him back down and hopefully someone will pick him up off the waiver wire? Please? He makes me yearn for the days of Robb Stauber.
Its going to be a very long season. Can we trade all 3 of these guys for future considerations? Draft picks? Cash? A bag of pucks? I’m open for negotiations…..
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