Certificate of Death—New Jersey Devils 2008-09 Season

by Matt Reitz on April 29, 2009

BrodeurLast night’s loss for the New Jersey Devils had to be one of the most painful ways to lose a series. Forget series, it’s the hardest way to lose a hockey game PERIOD! After a decade and a half of having Martin Brodeur, Devils fans haven’t felt this feeling in a very, very long time. But it’s something that all hockey fans go through from time to time. They’ll get over it and deal with the pain that comes with such a heartbreaking loss. It’s with this in mind that we give you to the Final Death Certificate of the Devils season.

Name of Decedent (First Name): New Jersey Devils
Middle: “I Can’t Believe Marty Just Choked”
Last: 2008-09 Season
Also Known As (AKA): Colorado Rockies/Kansas City Scouts
Date of Birth: 6/8/72
Age: 36 since founded, 34 years of playing, 26 years in NJ
Sex: After Tuesday’s game, none.
Birth State/Foreign Country: Missouri
Social Security Number: 666-66-6666
Marital Status: Domestic Partners with the Philadelphia Flyers (according to Rangers fans)
Date of Death: 04/28/2009
Hour of Death: 22:21
Usual Occupation: Tearing up the Eastern Conference
Type of Business or Industry: Hockey (formerly “Boring Trapping Hockey”)
Years in Occupation: 14
Decedent’s Residence: 165 Mulberry St.
City: Newark
County: Essex
Years in County: 1
State/Foreign Country: NJ
Informant’s Name, Relationship: Mike “Doc” Emerick, Announcer
Informant’s Occupation: Hall of Fame Play-By-Play guy
Survived By: Carolina Hurricanes
Disposition Date: 04/28/2009 (Immediately following Death)
Place of Final Disposition: In the Giants Stadium end-zone next to Jimmy Hoffa
Cause of Death: Blunt trauma to five-hole and blocker hand
Length: 48.3 seconds
Other Significant Conditions Contributing to Death (1): Gag reflex
Other Significant Conditions Contributing to Death (2): Contusion to heart/ego
Attending Physicians: Paul Devorski and Kevin Pollock

 

Today’s Date: April 29th, 2009

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 birth records April 29, 2010 at 10:03 am

i think, that Not only were they reeling from People's death, but There was diagnosed …..

Reply

2 Wild Wing April 29, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Awesome article……well done. Too bad they didn’t choke when they played us.

Reply

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